HOT FOOD

2009-06-25T19:45:00.000-07:00

LOST ENERGY DRINK

2009-06-22T09:03:00.000-07:00

This is the other product I thought was long gone.

Apparently "Lost" makes snowboard, skateboard, and surfboard stuff. I didn't know that and I don't really care. The design of this can is utterly pathetic to the point that it's really funny but will be kind of embarrassing if you drink it in front of the kind of cool guy hipsters who used to be really into warped tour and will try and make up for that at any given opportunity. It's got some direct quotes from punk and new metal bands, and some that have been paraphrased to make it suitable to print on the can of their energy drink ("tear down" your idols?) It's also got lots and lots of classic punk bands logos that have been altered to look more like snowboard graphics. Minor Threat "Out of Step" sheep, C.O.C. skull, etc. This stuff basically is warped tour in a can. Or at least it would be if warped tour in a can wasn't yoohoo.

However, when you open this can and take a sip... it is the MOST DELICIOUS ENERGY DRINK ON THE MARKET! Yeah, fuck you. I drink energy drinks. You gonna judge me for that? GO AHEAD! I'm happy with my life and I don't care what you think, go look down your nose at somebody else! They hired Monster to make the drink for them, do all the dirty work, and they just slapped their name on it and called it their own. It tastes EXACTLY like Red Vines red licorice, the best red licorice out there. This stuff tastes exactly like that stuff.

Probably four years ago after a party got broken up at some idiot's house who used to work at Belmont Army surplus, we left still looking for fun. My idea of fun has admittedly changed since then but hey I was in my early 20's then, now in my late 20's... I've "matured." But, I digress. We leave this party and a truck was outside some bar giving away free cans of Lost to people leaving and they were packing up. In my crazed inebriated state I yelled at them to give me many of their free products. I demanded it! This was not a nice tone, this was "HEY. GIMME SUMMA DAT!" To my surprise and delight, they gave me two cans. They were warm. But I was far too into my night to care. Outside Berlin the typical black transvestites heckled us and then two of them told me they were going to try out for American Idol as the first transvestite couple to compete together. I wished them luck and then I have no idea what happened. So this review is over. LOST RULES.

A&W Root Beer Float Soda

2009-06-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

Hey, Back from Kentucky. Fun times but nothing too interesting to report (aside from some celebrity stories I heard from my Dad's cousin but I don't dare repeat them here.) Instead I'm posting to review two products that I didn't know were still on the market that I saw on the road.

First up, A&W Root Beer Float Soda. When I first saw this product it was displayed next to the other float soda the company decided to make, Sunkist Orange Cream Soda. Dog 'n Suds has been making orange cream soda forever and it is mindblowing. I figured it was about time someone else finally got on board with this idea. And apply the same concept to root beer? Genius!

...That is, until I bought one.

It comes in a glass bottle, there is a pleasant ambiance to that for me. You can't actually see the product, the lable completely covers the bottle. I get home, crack it open and take a swig. I didn't quite spit it out in my surprise and disgust when I found out this product's horrible secret. My eyes bulged as the expression on my face went from excitement to queasy terror and I swallowed it before coughing and moving my mouth around like a dog who got into something unexpectedly gross while digging through the garbage. Gross even by dog standards.

THERE IS MILK IN THIS SHIT. It is not just a regular soda with the flavor of vanilla ice cream like you would naturally assume, and NOWHERE on the package does it say that they're going to trick you like this by putting MILK, YES... MILK together with pop!

"But Mike, What about French Soda?" You got me there, apparently french people love to put milk in their pop for some reason. But when you order this at a coffee shop or something you know what you're getting. Nobody is tricking you into ordering what you would assume to be a normal bottle of Root Beer and SPIKING IT WITH MILK. But really it isn't just milk. It's supposed to simulate the ice cream part of the float. You know when you're done with a great, intensely satisfying root beer float and you're left with the residue on the side of the glass that kind of pools up into a little bit of sludge at the bottom? This is an entire bottle of that, basically. But that is still giving this garbage too much credit. Flat root beer and vanilla flavored milk. It's giving me a stomach ache just thinking about it.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

E.T.A. - No Faith

2009-06-18T22:14:00.001-07:00

Yo, I'm splitting for Bardstown, KY in the morning but I thought I'd leave the lurkers of the HOT FOOD blog with something to chew on while I was gone. E.T.A. is a pretty dumb name any way you slice it (it doesn't stand for estimated time of arrival, it stands for epileptic terror attack.) But hey, three words shortened down to initials, it don't get too much more 80's punk than that.

This band is from Sweden and went on to become the currently popular band REGULATIONS, with some skinny guy playing bass instead of D.S.-13's "138". Honestly, I like this band a lot more. E.T.A. was a fantastic emulation of early 80's hardcore punk, particularly California type stuff. I like the Regulations too but they always seemed to me to be a lazier-paced version of E.T.A. with the core edge dulled to appeal to "garage punk" types, but they don't really make up for what they leave behind, in my humble opinion. Might sound like I don't care much for the 'Regs but I do. I just think E.T.A. was a really underrated band and that is why I am choosing to champion this out of print LP on my blog. I spent 2 weeks on a tour with this band in like 2002 or something and seeing 'em play every night was a real treat but I'm not about to get started talking about that right now, basically in a shitty era (the 2000's) for shitty music (hardcore punk) this was a great and unfortunately underappreciated gem.

Somehow, this was the largest image i could find of the album cover. (insert sad trombone noise here)

http://www.sendspace.com/file/xqzkax

$0.02

2009-06-18T12:11:00.000-07:00

Here is the rebuttal I am offering to Luca's most recent entry:

My first instinct was to remove the previous post like I eventually did last time Luca posted a video that was too annoying to remain up on this blog. But I think in the long term it would be more embarrassing to him if I just left it up forever.

If you think those videos are funny, you are more confused than those kids are.

THIS JUST IN: IGNORANCE IS STILL VERY FUNNY

2009-06-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

This video has been viewed over 2 million times and was featured on Kanye West's blog. You've probably seen it before:

It's pretty much two teenagers sitting around being very racist. I enjoy it.

I looked through these kids' other videos, and like most things sixteen year-olds do, they're not funny. But I did find one that I was incredibly entertained by.

This video is essentially these two kids from the "Top 60 Ghetto Black Names" video walking around a grocery store for three minutes...being extremely racist.

"Oooooooooh. . .CORNBREAD!"

Enjoy today's dose of ignorance! I'll work on finding you guys more soon!

The Dictators Demos & Rare Tracks '73-76

2009-06-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

The Dictators are one of the true greats in the world of rock & roll music. I'm not going to tell you anything on this blog about 'em that hasn't been written before, or with nearly as much exalted grandiosity as they deserve. They have been described as the first punk rock band, I would prefer to think of them as the LAST rock and roll band. At least, the kind of rock and roll I want to hear.

Mike Edison wrote about pro wrestling that if you get it, no explaination is necessary, and if you don't, no explaination will do. That is how I feel about punk rock music and, particularly (especially given that it was about pro wrestling in it's original context) about The Dictators. They are one of my favorite bands in the history of the world.

I am presenting to you a long out of print Demos and Rare tracks compilation LP released in 1977. I think a few of these tracks are the same as the newer (and better) collection that Norton released last year, but there is a lot of different material on both. This one has some classic tunes that didn't make it onto the newer one as well as a version of Pink Floyd's "Interstellar Overdrive" but without that long boring 7 minutes of braindead hippy meandering. It's like the guys in Pink Floyd just all forgot what they were doing at once and just sat there staring at a black light poster in the studio and they just kept recording.

But I digress.

This also has a short live tune called "Smash That Faggot's Head" which I can only imagine was written and recorded in response to Manitoba's feud with Wayne County, admittedly this tune is a low point for The Dics. Anyway Like I said a lot of the tracks represented here are on the newer and still available Norton compilation and that one is somewhat better so if you like this shit, go out and get that.

This isn't a good starting point for yet to be converted fans, the sound quality is usually pretty poor and doesn't really represent their fullest potential, it's more for junkies like me who need a sick fix of the Dics. I know nobody is reading this, you just wanna get your hands on the goods. So here it is!

http://www.sendspace.com/file/b6pedp

2009-06-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

TBS is running bumpers between their programs and commercials that are stand-up "comedians" doing "bits" about products made by their sponsors. This is not okay with HOT FOOD.

TBS, please reconsider.

sincerely,
Michael Q. Popinski

MORE INTERNET WEIRDOS.

2009-05-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

It's been a hot minute since I've written on this thing, hasn't it? Well, no one else was updating, so morale was low, but you know what? I'm back now.

Today I'd like to introduce to you my newest find in the world of Internet weirdos. Meet Jon Becker, a metal singer with an extraordinary vocal range:

Pretty impressive. I like the gum in his mouth.

He has a dozen videos up, all viewable here.

But this one if my personal favorite:

youtube.

2009-05-14T18:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in HOT FOOD in forever, sue me.

I just deleted Luca's Chickenhawk post because I couldn't figure out how to delete the video and I got sick of pausing it every single time I came to the page, sorry!

to make up for it, I present to you, ladies and gentlemen... the funniest video on all of youtube.

It's almost 8 minutes long, but watch the whole thing. I promise if you stick it out until the very end you will not regret it.

for ryan

2009-05-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

I drew this in about a minute over the weekend while I was laid up with back pain. Ryan was listening to metal in his bedroom, I had just taken some pain pills, and it inspired me to draw what might possibly be the worst thing I've ever put on paper. I handed it to Ryan and on my way out his door I heard him giggling like young school boy. Man, I really know what makes that dude tick.

wasted daze

2009-05-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

So I hurt my back again, which means I spend all my free time laying around until it heals. It leaves me wanting to kill myself all the time. I hate not being able to get through my daily functions with ease. Fuck everyone. Anyway, I went and bought a pretty nice copy of Physical Graffiti and sat on the new couch drawing all day. I'd post more of 'em, but since we steal the internet its slow as fuck and it took forever just to load a single image. Who cares, this blog is dead already. That certainly didn't take too long.

FUCKTARD OF THE WEEK: MARK GIANGRECO

2009-05-05T20:32:00.001-07:00

For those of you that don't know who Mark Giangreco is, he's this smirky asshole sportscaster for ABC 7 news here in Chicago, Illinois. He's been on the evening news for about as long as I can remember and it's safe to say I've hated him my entire life. Mark Giangreco is the epitome of the wanna be jock that couldn't really cut it as an athlete himself, so instead he pursued broadcasting, allowing himself to be involved with his first love, sports, for the rest of his life. But, rather than relishing in the fact that he lucked out and scored an amazing job, he acts like a smug little prick all the time. He simply cannot make it throughout one broadcast without making a smart assed remark on some player or coach. I usually make it point to change the channel if I know he's coming on, but just now something happened that caught me off guard. I caught just a few minutes on some of the days events when the segment shifted to a commercial break. Before going to break, there were two quick cuts. First, that a story on tonight's Leonard Cohen show would be first after the break and then a quick cut to Mark about sports. Before going into his quick schpeal Mark says, "Hmmf, I don't even know who that is!' Now, the fact that he doesn't know who Leonard Cohen is isn't surprising or even that upsetting. My mom probably doesn't know who he is either. The fact that Leonard Cohen has been widely regarded as one of the best, most influential songwriters of the last 50 years and the fact that a Neanderthal like Mark Giangreco who works in media hasn't heard of him isn't even that upsetting. Its the fact that Mark Giangreco said it in such a way that it implied Leonard Cohen must suck, because he's not worthy enough of Mark Giangreco's vast forrest of knowledge and ideas. Sorry he's not Bon fucking Jovi is ignorant meatheaded suck. I'll bet you think you know what rocks and when Creed comes on the radio, you bet you're fucking ass you're turning that shit up! Fuck you. Eat shit and kill yourself. Take that tubby weatherman Jerry Taft out with you when you leave. He's a bitch too.

stuff about drugs

2009-04-30T16:55:00.000-07:00

Luca

2009-04-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture I found on Luca's flickr account. It's a picture of him being fed by his little sister, while they're both clearly wasted. I love this picture and felt it should probably be posted on hot food. You know, give the audience a face to go with all those posts about youtube.

MrChiCity is still funny.

2009-04-30T11:10:00.000-07:00

Many of YouTube's brightest stars burn out rather quickly. The Sexman, for example, was once one of the most entertaining people on the Internet. But over the course of this past year, he's gotten less and less funny, charming, and interesting. My personal favorite YouTuber, Sodahead, closed down his account out of nowhere. But somehow, MrChiCity has been cranking out the hits for OVER A YEAR. This guy's got the cyber-shelf life of a Twinkie. For your enjoyment, his newest video, titled, "A Brother On The Floor":

tweaked arms for everyone

2009-04-20T15:19:00.001-07:00

My old roommate (Luca's current) MJ once described a certain type of ass as "slappy." I drew this to see if it's what he was talking about and he didn't think it truly represented the image in his head. He was into the huge cans though.
This however was more on point.
I see this guy almost everyday on my way home from work. I've also seen his dick before.

happy 420

2009-04-20T11:34:00.000-07:00

HUMP DAY.

2009-04-15T09:58:00.001-07:00

Lily Allen Show Review

2009-04-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

My sister wound up with an extra ticket to Sunday night's Lily Allen show at The Riv. I'm not going to beat around the bush: I like Lily Allen. A lot. Sure, I'll join you.

The opening band was the type of thing that made me hate music. They not only made me hate music, they made me hate everything and everyone I've ever known.

The band is called, brace yourself, Natalie Portman's Shaved Head, and they produce some of the lamest shit that I've ever seen somehow pass itself off as music. Here's an example of this shit in action. This video is only 90 seconds long, and finishing it is going to be a real challenge:

natalie portman's shaved head - sophisticated side ponytail from thatgo on Vimeo.

Ick. Gross. When you base band membership on good looks and cool haircuts, you get Natalie Portman's Shaved Head. And Natalie Portman's Shaved Head is the musical equivalent of dog vomit. Not a good look.

Lily Allen's set was pretty good. She looked totally foxy, too. For the encore she came out in a t-shirt and jeans, and she looked kind of dumpy and tom-boyish and that, my friends, is what boners are made of.

The highlight of the night actually happened after the set. I met up with Lily and her crew at Nick's Beer Garden for a few post-show cocktails. The two of us then went back to my apartment, where, over a couple of cans of Miller High Life, I dazzled and impressed her with my near-mint copy of Emerson, Lake & Palmer's "Works" and then moved on to making her feel like a woman all night long.

I'm totally lying, that never happened. I just went home and wrote this. Happy Easter.

MORE YOUTUBE GOLD.

2009-04-10T11:35:00.000-07:00

I've always considered myself one of the finest YouTube gold diggers out there. I've always been able to somehow stumble across the weirdest shit out there. But there is one person I know who is far better at it than I am. It's our good buddy Ryan Winke. I think this stems from the fact that he has even more free time on his hands than I do. Because it's been a slow week, here's one of Ryan's personal favorites:

The music makes it feel like you're watching Terminator 2 or something.

tony wetzig

2009-04-08T15:57:00.000-07:00

2009-04-08T15:56:00.000-07:00

"me killing myself and lighting my moms house on fire"

2009-04-08T15:54:00.000-07:00

BANDS I LIKED IN 1998

2009-04-08T15:53:00.000-07:00

one bad dog

2009-04-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

one bad dog. the ripley mcwilson story

2009-04-08T15:51:00.000-07:00

pig for sale

2009-04-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

Blood Death

2009-04-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

when mike and I shared a flat

2009-04-08T15:47:00.000-07:00

Marty Party

2009-04-06T10:03:00.000-07:00

Marty Kays, AKA Marty Party, AKA CROSSPHYRE is a west coast dude who loves the simple things in life: drinking some frosty brews, cool tattoos, and rock and roll music. His online profiles claim that he has spent most of his life as a professional studio drummer and has toured the country many times over. Should probably be a pretty solid percussionist then, huh? Let's take a look at him struggle to play an incorrect beat over Kiss' "Love Gun".

Ok. Let's now take a look at him tackling the intricate percussive prowess of Alex Van Halen. Make sure to watch this entire video because the bridge to the song is some of the most advanced shit I've ever seen:

I find it very hard to believe that this guy has made a career out of this. I mean, Peter Criss and Alex Van Halen are, in the words of our Commander in Cheif, the Special Olympics of rock and roll. I've gone on to find some of Marty Party's social networking profiles, and some of his personal info and pictures are truly hilarious, but I'm here to talk about his drumming techniques, not post photos of him pounding Miller Lites in front of his webcam.

If you truly want to get the know more about the man himself, check out this exclusive interview he posted up on his YouTube channel (where you can also find over 50 more of his drumming videos. If you're lucky enough, you might stumble across one where he is playing a song with his pet parrot on his shoulder).

Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with your sound card or internet connection. This interview just has no sound. Even though a number of his "fans" have commented on the video letting him know that the sound doesn't work, we're yet to get a corrected version up. Damn dude.

For more videos, click HERE.

Also, you readers may have noticed that while Nick and Mike post awesome drawing on here all the time, I don't. Well, thats because I can't draw. But over the course of this weekend, I finally made a few drawings and Nick is currently scanning them, so those will be up soon. Hopefully you'll be as shocked, appauled, and amused as some of our freinds were.

the cap on my orange juice looks like the tip of a dick

2009-04-05T16:08:00.000-07:00

sex sells and i'm buying.

Tales From The Couch Vol. 5

2009-04-05T11:06:00.001-07:00

Psychic Subway

2009-04-04T09:42:00.001-07:00

Where they know what you want before you order it, and it's still wrong anyway.

Tales From The Couch Vol. 4

2009-04-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

Some drawings of my hero, Cap'n Crunch, and LORD DOGLORD, a pointlessly christian warrior of my own creation for the world of the basement dwelling mouthbreather game WEREWOLF: THE APOCALYPSE.

It's abstract humor.

Knockers playing soccer, and a kid gets a little too worked up when the other kid he's playing freeze tag has a different way to pronounce the safe zone.

You just don't mess with a man's car, man. You just don't.

Tomorrow

2009-04-02T08:10:00.001-07:00

There's about 30 different flyers for this, and I believe this to be the best one. You can see a lot of people with a lot of interesting things to say and in addition to that, I will also be speaking.

It's a bar, it's a Friday, it's a good idea!

More Upsetting Shit on The Internet

2009-04-01T09:48:00.001-07:00

A few posts back, I talked about how the Internet will never run out of terrible things for the average American to be disgusted with. Today's example is prime. This is a blogger, known only as "The Dead Baby". All the information he gives about himself is a short bio, which reads, um, "you gotta let a ho be a ho" (sic).

What makes The Dead Baby so unique? The Dead Baby has a fascination with pissing on perfectly good rolls of toilet paper in public bathrooms. Check out the depravity at his blog. Click on the emoticon dick to get there: *~~~~~~~<=======8

I feel like this is the kind of guy your parents warn you about when you reach the age where you start to realize what a sexual predator is. What may be even more unsettling are the comments people leave. They range from anywhere between a "LOVE WHAT YOU'RE DOING, MAN" all the way to far more disapproving statements, like this little gem that I handpicked and am posting here verbatim, "I know not even a nigger would waste his time wetting toilet rolls."

Well folks, enjoy the rest of your day feeling extreme disappointment with humanity.

Burger King - BK Burger Shots

2009-03-31T22:40:00.000-07:00

The annoying ads for these, what's up with that? I would not have been interested in these to begin with but the irritating commercials cemented my opinion into the negative. Annoying advertising has that affect on me, but that's another story for another time. I should not digress. Basically, even without being bugged by those dumb commercials I still wouldn't have wanted one of these things. They just seem stupid. I like Burger King as much as the next guy, possibly more. I sure as shit would rather eat some White Castle than Burger King, but hey... This is supposed to be a food review.

I heard some people talking about how good they were and read a messageboard discussion that was mostly praise as well, and I thought "Really?" It just seems weird to me that Burger King would want to have a knock off White Castle burger to begin with. Additionally, it seems weird that they think if anybody was in the mood for White Castle, that they'd go to Burger King and get a completely different tasting burger that is roughly the same size. It is not the same. And weirder still, that if you were in the mood for a burger from Burger King, why you'd choose to get a tiny burger when you could get a normal one for probably about the same price.

So I ordered 'em. They come in two's and they're stuck together. I went for the cheeseburger. It tastes like a Burger King cheeseburger. Exactly like a Burger King cheeseburger. Only it is not at all satisfying and it just makes you with you had gone to White Castle instead.

Not bad, but I don't get why I would want this when I could get a normal burger.

Some people think White Castle is disgusting (and seriously, fuck you.) so I guess this is who would be buying these? But if you didn't like White Castle, why would you want something like this? And if you do like White Castle, why are you getting this Burger King cock tease version of a delicious White Castle Slider?

More Flyers!

2009-03-31T21:23:00.000-07:00

Here's some more flyers I've drawn. This first one's from a few years ago. I drew it while I was supposed to be working at this bullshit hippie store that's right next to The Alley. I got paid to do this. I did very little else while I worked there. Maybe I will post some of the other drawings if I find them.

And this, ladies and gentlemen... Is my favorite Catburglars flyer ever. I drew this one a few years ago also. I drew it on the Metra train on the way to visit my parents. This was a pretty great show, to boot. ALL HAIL GHOST PIG!

Kelly Clarkson, Vitamin Water, Dysentary

2009-03-31T21:01:00.000-07:00

I'm on my break at work, eating an overpriced slice of pizza at L'appetito, and I got this Vitamin Water to drink. You know how they have those dumb things on the side that are supposed to be funny or something? Read what this one says.

Okay, so... Kelly Clarkson's voice is... like the food at a diner? What is this saying?

"Kelly Clarkson's voice really reminds me of the way the food at Denny's tastes."

"Every time I listen to Kelly Clarkson sing, I get violent diarrhea."

"Kelly Clarkson is very cheap and totally nauseating."

...and so on, these write themselves. What's up with this?

Mark Gormley

2009-03-31T09:31:00.000-07:00

Meet Mark Gormley, a singer/songwriter from Pensacola, Florida (AKA The Armpit of The Country) whose songs have been making the rounds on Youtube lately. With the help of Phil Thomas Katt (what?) and his cable access show, The Uncharted Zone, he has been able to create a series of INTENSE music videos for his tunes. Here is the clip for my favorite Gormley track, "Without You". Believe it or not, this dude's not joking.

Artwork by Ben Lyon & Matt Bremer

2009-03-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

Matt and Ben are two of the folks who's work can be seen in HOT FOOD #2, they gave me a few other things in addition to what I included in there, and here it is! First one up's by Ben:

And this confusing little doodle here is by Matt Bremer:

-Popinski

more crap

2009-03-30T16:50:00.000-07:00

I've always said that the sexiest look a man can bestow for his lady is wearing nothing but an old white t-shirt and a pair of socks. This ugly fella may be liberated, but he's taken things a step too far.
I've been eating too much cheese lately and it's making my poop weird.
Here's a small little update in the life and times of Luca. I took from the Mike Conway style of comix and progressively made Luca hairier and fatter which each glance, while Luca has taken that and related it to his own life. I blew it by not adding any of his sick tats.
My roommate Ryan drew this and the next one. Sometimes I tell him to draw something for me because he's better at drawing than I am and I know it'll be funnier. Usually he tells me to piss off, but he shot this one out in a matter of minutes. When he was done we both agreed that it oddly looks like Luca.
Ryan and I went to a few gallery openings last Friday night. We actually saw some decent work for a change (a rarity these days since the west loop is slowly turning into squaresville), but there's still plenty to complain about. I'm so sick and tired of going to an show and not only do they run out of free booze IMMEDIATELY but the crowd of dorkus malorkus 20 somethings dressed in their finest "VICE DO's" outfits are slowly driving me to kill. Please move to Brooklyn. You'll like it better there, I swear. Anyway, Ryan fantasied about beating this particular nerd to a pulp. I couldn't blame him. I also appreciate how oaf-like Ryan drew me.

Some Color Drawings

2009-03-30T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody, how was your weekend? Mine was great. Lotta drinkin' and drawin' so I'll get to uploading that stuff soon. In the meantime, here's some drawings I did sometime last year.

This one's got a guy who was easy to draw but i probably would not get along with (white pants, really?) and he's eating all my favorite foods, so that would probably piss me off too. But I don't hate him, this is my fantasy.

I bought a cheap set of watercolors and this was the drawing I did to learn how to use them. As you can see, I didn't learn very much. But that is my favorite line from Boston's first album.

WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE

2009-03-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

This was my favorite book when i was a baby but i'm not certain it would be prudent for me to pay $10.00 to see this movie without the company of a child. i do NOT want to be lumped in with the other 20-somethings who are wearing thundercats and teenage mutant ninja turtles t-shirts loudly discussing stupid 80's pop culture crap so that everyone around them knows how much they remember. I do not want to perpetuate the stereotype that my generation is rabidly horny for nostalgia, I fucking hate the 80's.

however, Spike Jonze is just about the perfect guy to direct this movie. Michel Gondry would probably have been the best choice but that wimp is french so who gives a shit. This movie also seems like it has a pretty solid cast, Cathrine Keener is hot. I feel like once women typically get to a certain age, a person typically backhands that compliment by adding "for their age" to the end of it, and I feel like that is not necessary when discussing Catherine Keeners hotness, so kudos on that Catherine!

Now, weirdo dorks who obsess about their childhoods and would still care about a movie made out of this book after growing from an infant to a full grown adult are the type of people who would be into Spike Jonze directing this movie (and, I'm with you there.) But, it's also true that these are the type of buttholes who would think it was TOTALLY AWESOME that they gave Karen O. of the Yeah Yeah Yeah's the responsibility of scoring the thing. Really? Really? C'mon guys.... I'll probably see this movie, though.

-Mike Popinski

Drawing On Newspapers

2009-03-26T23:56:00.000-07:00

You wanna send me some newspapers you drew on? feel free!

<3 Mike Popinski

Tales From The Couch #3

2009-03-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

Your boss sucks.

The sequel to the original BATTLE HOGG, a movie I haven't seen even though I made up the franchise. "The Pigening" is not supposed to be a play on the word "beginning" but it's supposed to be like, he is saying "fuck you" to God and creating a word in his own image, that of a pig. Perhaps BATTLE HOGG III: PIG vs. GOD will be next?

this was kind of a waste of a page, i'm not gonna lie. but i did always hear my neighbors having sex, another story for another time.

sometimes when you're smoking the peace pipe you think things are hilarious and write them down, then when you see them again... you're like "that's funny... but what was i thinking about?"

MUTANT VERSION OF BRAD FROM HOME IMPROVEMENT, I love that drawing.

A duck and a baby get down to some gripin'

The Most Disturbing Thing On The Internet

2009-03-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

The Internet is obviously the worlds biggest resource of the disgusting, depraved and disturbing. "Two Girls, One Cup", for example, was a world wide sensation; a bizarre shock video that somehow broke into the mainstream. "Goatse" and "Lemonparty" were also pretty big hits, albeit on a slightly smaller level. Does anyone remember the long forgotten www.chicagostreetracing.com? Well, I do. It was a picture of a black guy with a two-foot-long dick.

And think, these fucked-up, gag-inducing websites are the ones that you CAN'T get arrested for visiting.

So ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I will now introduce to you my new favorite Internet weirdo. His name is Todd "Sodahead" Deitchman (according to his Myspace page, he also goes by the alias "T-Money"), and he's a 19-year-old New Jersey resident with a very special gift.

He's posted three videos thus far, and Let's start with his first. It's titled "chugging soda" (sic), but I'd call it "Meet Sodahead". Enjoy:

For Sodahead's next stunt, he takes down an entire bottle of Snapple Iced Tea while getting pumped up by the intense, motivational sounds of Survivor's "Eye of The Tiger". Once again, enjoy:

On St. Patrick's Day, this charming Michael Phelps look-a-like gets more festive. He decided to drink some GREEN soda. The larger quantity of soda should be noted, which would explain the painfully awkward struggle Sodahead goes through trying to drink the entire bottle. I know it's going to be hard, but you really need to watch this entire video. The occurrence at the 1:37 mark is the type of thing that will haunt your dreams for days. Here we go:

WHAT?

Just in case you were wondering, according to his Myspace pictures, soda isn't the only thing T-Money chugs:

More Couch Drawings

2009-03-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

Straight from my old couch to you, except with a slight 3 year delay... More Couch Drawings!

The great RED DOG debate

2009-03-24T11:24:00.000-07:00

I am in no way, shape, or form a "beer snob". I'd much prefer a Coor's Light to a Delirium Tremans any day. But there are a few drinks in the realm of "cheap beer" that still make me scratch my head. One of them is Red Dog. I don't really understand why anyone would be compelled to drink it. I actually didn't realize it was still in production until a few months ago. The other morning, after a night of heavy Red Dog consumption, Nick showed me a Red Dog bottle cap, which displays the an image of our canine friend pictured above, and told me that if you flip it upside down, it looks like a picture of "Batman going down on some chick". Take a look:

Obviously a bit of a stretch. That would be an understatement. It was a massive stretch. So I used my amazing Photoshop skills (which are actually really sub par MS Paint skills) to make this illusion easier to see. In the following image, I've removed the parts of the dog's head that didn't add to the act of cunnilingus, to make the idea a bit clearer:

I, personally, am not quite sold on this idea. In the following image, I've added some shading to make it look a little bit more like The Dark Knight himself. This time around, I'm starting to buy it:

One layer of shading should do the trick...a few more colors to make the picture more vibrant...more life-like....you know what...look at that. NICK, YOU WERE TOTALLY RIGHT! An upside-down Red Dog logo DOES look like Batman going down on a chick!!!

A Comic From HOT FOOD #1

2009-03-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

Here's a page from HOT FOOD #1 for ya! I fuckin' love Cap'n Crunch, you gotta problem with that? Also, that is exactly what the Catburglars do at band practice.

-Mike Popinski

stuff from the fridge

2009-03-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

I found this picture at the site of the new Logan Square skate park about a week ago. What kind of a shit head draws something like this? Amateur graffiti artists, pubescent mutants, and go-tards of all ages seem to be the locals, so I'm putting my money on the pimple faced teens. The park isn't done yet, but I've gone to check out its progress twice now and something had already been destroyed on both occasions. Good work kids. From what I can tell the park is going to suck anyway, so fuck it.
Now this is what I'm talking about! I moved in with my friend Ryan at the beginning of the month and we both started tacking up crappy little drawings all over the fridge. This was one of the first things he put up. We can all pretty much agree that 99% of pigs suck, so what's better than seeing two of them off each other IN THE FACE! It kind of reminds me of a Rob Syers drawing with how loose and delightful it is.
Yet another great sketch from Ryan. I sure hope he doesn't mind me posting all these tidbits on the blog. I can't remember if I asked him if it was cool or not. If it's not, sorry dude. It won't happen again. Anyway, it's definitely Jimi Hendrix's head on what appears to be Mickey Mouse's body. Lately Ryan has been incorporating a lot of weed imagery into his stuff, which I'm fully backing, especially because he thinks weed is kind of lame. Side note: We've always heard that drugs are a lot more potent today than they were 30 years ago or whatever, so I've always wondered if I smoked the same grass as Jimi if it would even get me high or if I'd think he was kind of a pussy for having shitty grass. Further more, if you gave him a bag of the finest now do you think it'd totally blow his mind? Who knows. It's just another mystery of the universe we'll never know.
I drew this last night cause I hadn't eaten any bacon in a while and it sounded pretty good at the time. It looks pretty crummy and half assed because it is.
So lastly, I found this old Playboy Special Editions that my former roommate left behind, which he probably didn't even realized he owned. It's called Bathing Beauties (1992) and it's really dated. It's one of the only things I leave out for guests to flip through not only for the pictures, but the mind numbing captions. Here's an example: A spectacular smile and big bright eyes are irresistible of Amber. Signs of a recent sunbathing session are unmistakable. Then the picture features a woman bent over a chair, her bikini top pulled to the side exposing a glance of side boob, while her bottoms are completely MIA revealing a thong tan line. It's pretty unbelievable that this was considered sexy enough to schmead it to. I started tracing one of the women, but at the last minute decided to give her a really jacked up face. I wonder what she's doing now, almost 20 years later? Hopefully nothing.

REVIEW!

2009-03-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

This was supposed to be a review of the VEE DEE record release show. But I missed THE KRUNCHIES all together and honestly wasn't watching bands for the most part anyway so instead I'll review the movie I watched on demand last night.

Zach & Miri Make A Porno

This movie is fucking terrible.

1st things first

2009-03-23T09:41:00.001-07:00

I'm glad Nick finally got around to posting something, even if it was just a receipt from reckless.

Also, You can check out KAMIKAZE EYES live set from the same show Luca posted those videos from on the same site:

kamikaze eyes at ronnys (chicago) march 6th, 2009 from acid marshmallow on Vimeo.

Also, the band PUKING PEARLS who I like, but I gotta admit I wasn't watching. They were apparently pretty upset because they were "awful". I doubt it, but let's find out.

puking pearls at ronnys (chicago) march 6th, 2009 from acid marshmallow on Vimeo.

In other news, this is something I have been thinking about quite a bit recently. I am currently a guy in a band who also does cartoons. I am currently 27 years old. If you're in a band. That is the year that you die. That is why I have decided to become a cartoonist who is also in a band. Because I would rather not die this year and cartoonists live for fucking ever.

Hot Food music contest

2009-03-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

The first person to correctly identify all the rekkids I bought this last Saturday wins a prize. What is that sweet, sweet prize you ask? You get to come over to my house, listen to all of them, and drink a case of beer on me. If we get loose enough we can throw eggs out my kitchen window, light fireworks inside, or poo on a Catburglars 7" (preferably the one with Steve's face on the cover!) So have at it dear readers. It would probably help if you lived in Chicago, but if not I still invite you to play, then travel to claim your loot. All you need to do is list the band / artists name and the full title of the EP / LP. You're not a dolt, don't screw this up (the names are all on the receipt already, I'm basically giving away free beer.) This contest is open to anyone but Luca and knuckleheads. I guess now we'll find out if anyone reads this thing or not.

AWESOME PUNK ROCK VIDEO.

2009-03-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

Shameless self-promotion here, but you, faithful readers should check out this AWESOME video of me and Mike's AWESOME band playing an AWESOME show at Ronny's a couple of weeks ago:

the catburglars at ronnys (chicago) march 6th, 2009 from acid marshmallow on Vimeo.

Also, I find the need to include a video of a band we played with that night, THE POINTS from Washington D.C.

the points at ronnys (chicago) march 6th, 2009 from acid marshmallow on Vimeo.

As you can see, they were phenomenal. Good guys too. They went to high school with Danny McBride (that "Eastbound and Down" dude) which is really cool. Their singer looks a lot like Buddy Bradley and I love Travis' four on the floor stop through every song. Check them out at THEIR MYSPACE PAGE.

Enjoy, you savages.

Couch Drawings

2009-03-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

In the first issue of HOT FOOD, I included some pags of Matt Bremer and Chris Wilson's artwork that they drew in 2006(?) while we sat on our couch eating junk food, watching T.V., and dropping out of life. I also have some drawings from this time and I'm going to upload them here.

yep, there ya go.

the chicago hardcore messageboard is pretty boring.

a guy with Matt Bremer's bong for a head, crazy I know! I like how his voice bubble is smoke. Of course a bong and a wizard are friends. Cool Leather jacket too, for a guy with a pipe head.

I thought it was understood that a lot of times when you go to the beach drunk people will build sand castle dicks and boobs and stuff late at night, but nobody knew what I was talking about! Maybe you guys were just going to the wrong beaches. But when my family wanted to get up all early to go out and see all the sand dollars that washed up on the shore, I was instead looking for naughty sandcastles.

-Mike Popinski

MORE FLEYRS

2009-03-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

So sometimes people are like "Dude that's a good flyer!" and I'm like "Thanks!" so even though I didn't draw these ones I figured I'd post 'em anyway, since that also means that I can put off scanning more for a little bit.

click to see 'em up close!

With retard-level photoshopping skills like this... I am wondering why so many people tell me that they like the flyers that I make. This isn't the laziest flyer I've ever made but it's in the top 5.

More sleazy boobage. Nigel hates this flyer cuz it's got a jock on it I bet.

Another lazy flyer, whoopdie doo, 3 for 3! No boobs on this one but it's okay. I think it took me a long time to spell our band name out in the CRIME letters. Looks pretty shitty!

An army guy getting mauled by a ton of hot and bothered chicks, now THIS is a flyer! I wanted to make a "logo" for the catburglars and put it everywhere and everyone would be like "i know what that is!" but then it was only on this flyer and our 2nd e.p. I wanted it to be cool like Rocket From The Crypt or something. I forgot to make it look cool though, oh well... c'est la vie! This flyer looks really good and I made it in like 3 seconds.

This was the first show I ever set up! My friend Liz's band, LIBYANS came from Boston, man did this show SUCK. I felt so bad for them and a little embarassed that I did such a shitty job! Oh well, that's punk for ya I guess. Actually, this show was really fun.

Nigel Rowdy Jackson directed me to make this flyer. He wanted one with Hitler on it and the caption at the bottom. I ripped his body, the record player, and the musical notes from google image search and literally every other part of the flyer from an issue of CRAPHOUND.

SHOOT IT UP didn't shit on anybody or anything wacky at this show, but a guy pulled his dick out and put it in my face while we were playing.

I love PISSED JEANS, man! I sure spent a lot of time on this flyer. I ripped off most of those chicks and some of that food from a painter named MEL RAMOS. You can see all of them and more HERE.

This flyer is pretty good! Great lineup for a show too, even though HOMOSTUPIDS were a bit underwhelming. Gotta catch 'em on the right day I guess. I don't feel slighted though, that band rules.

A great day at Lucky Gator Loft! I wanna say that was the 2nd to last BUSY SIGNALS show in the states. CHEAP TIME were good, WAX MUSEUMS were great, we were... there.

adios!

Mike Popinski

As you can see

2009-03-19T22:58:00.000-07:00

I did indeed find something better to do. I read two issues of HUMANBEING LAWNMOWER, drank two Red Bull Colas, ate 2 vegetarian "hot dogs", drank two bottles of Peak Organic Espresso Amber Ale, bought toilet paper, peanut butter cap'n crunch, and cigarettes, took a dump, read the FART PARTY COMICS book, went with Meg to get our bikes cuz we foolishly left them at the bar last night, smoked a bowl, ate more "hot dogs", and... well that's it. So There ya have it. Suck on that!

-Mike Popinski

SUM FLYERS I DONE MADE BEFORE

2009-03-19T16:58:00.000-07:00

Hey fruitcakes! Got the day off today and I thought I'd scan some of my shit to post here starting with some show flyers I've made. I'm posting the ones I've already scanned first in case I find something actually fun to do and give up. Click on 'em to see the full size, tardo.

I am quite proud of this flyer. Quite proud indeed. Plus it got me and Nigel Rowdy Jackson into the show for free so that's not bad either! Even though every band except the Meatmen sucked.

The flyer for what was SUPPOSED to be the release party for HOT FOOD #1 except for two things. 1.) I wasn't there, I was out of town at a wedding I barely got drunk at. 2.) I never printed the zines beforehand. I drew this flyer at work. No offense to skinheads or heshers.

Meg's favorite thing I have ever drawn. This was the actual release party, it was a pretty good time.

We celebrated Valentine's Day a day late last year. According to Darius and a few other witnesses, one of the two young ladies in the band BARREN were displeased with the "graphic depiction" on this flyer. Why is anybody's guess. Who cares. I asked them about it and they wouldn't own up to it. Chronic Seizure covered Bikini Kill at this show.

This dork I used to work with named Steve (I think?) became a bartender at Cobra Lounge. He talked some shit about us at this show and I told him to fuck off before we left, boo hoo :( :( :( :(

Remember when this sort of hot nutcase was a pussy hair away from running this country?

I fucking hate Mike Love. Nobody I work with "got" this flyer, a lot of them are in bands too. What kind of bands don't know about the Beach Boys? REALLY shitty ones. You can see how lazy I was only drawing their heads. Sorry about that. There are a very limited number of giant posters of this. If you want one let me know.

-Mike Popinski

The RedEye is a piece of shit newspaper.

2009-03-12T20:09:00.000-07:00

Popinski here. Fuck you. I'm going to watch T.V. something about Hookers For Jesus is on. Here's a blog entry I wrote. You're welcome.

The RedEye is the most read "newspaper" in Chicago. It's half written in internet jargon and the other half are buzzwords.

Someone the other day was reading this near me and the entire page was dedicated to the watchmen movie, with Dr. Manhattan (the naked blue guy on every bus and billboard in the city) with his dick covered up by the words "FULL FRONTAL DUDITY"

I was going to say I can't believe they thought this was clever enough to print, but then I realized I can believe it. What I can't believe is that 90% of the people who saw that thought it was FUCKING HILARIOUS.

Idiocracy is coming true and it's the people you work with who quote it around the office (to shake it up when Flight Of The Conchords lyrics need a break for a breath or two) who are bringing it to you. I mean I wish The Onion A.V. Club wasn't so smug and trying really hard to be, at that. But when the RedEye tries to be hip it's so fucking pathetic it makes you cringe, like when you see really old guys trying to dress in current fashions intended for teenagers walking around in the Gold Coast. It's like, dude. You're balding. You can't do that with your hair.

As it happens, I have found the original first draft of the article in question! I will repost it here for you all to enjoy!

FULL FRUNTAL DUDITY

"I thought this was a great movie until I saw all them DICKS! YUCK! It had BADASS superheros and a HOT fucken dirty little slut. Shit. My friend Bobby tol me the same guy made this movie that made that other comic book movie. Whats it called... Three-Hunnert. You know, that one movie with all those totally RIPPED dudes fighting each other! Bobby told me I was a real faget for liking that movie. He's like, "Only a real faget would like THAT movie!" and I was all "No way! Only a real faget wouldn't like that movie!" Well, it looks like Bobby was right. That movie musta been gay after all! Hollywood needs to start learning to stop tricking reg-lur strait guys like me and you into seeing queerbo movies like this by making them seem so fucken' badass in the preview and then you get there and it's this brokeback shit."

Invigorating!

Hi, my name is Luca

2009-03-12T19:35:00.001-07:00

Here I am, reentering the "blogosphere" as you internet-savvy types would call it. I have incredibly high hopes for "Hot Food: The Online Version". I'll make my first post cohesive with Mike's prior ones. Here is an MS Paint drawing I made of myself sometime back in 2005 when I worked at an Office Depot AKA the worst time period of my life. Enjoy.

LIVE BOOTLEGS

2008-10-13T12:15:00.000-07:00

THE STOOGES - 10/6/73
http://www.mediafire.com/?q0mdj0mnjno

This is a recording from the final STOOGES tour, it shows the band a few months before the recordings that make up the METALLIC K.O./2xK.O. record(s)

THE ACCUSED - Netherlands 11/26/88
http://www.mediafire.com/?smeo1mzmhmd

ARTIFICIAL PEACE - D.C. Wilson Centre 9/21/81
http://www.mediafire.com/?433dnemjyzd

BAD BRAINS - Whiskey A Go-Go 3/25/82
http://www.mediafire.com/?jiue95jlzxz

BATTALION OF SAINTS - Bob's Place 6/11/82
http://www.mediafire.com/?mdzvmjy9mty

BEASTIE BOYS - CBGB'S 1982
http://www.mediafire.com/?ocvzdpwmmjt

BLACK FLAG - North Park Lion's Club 1981
http://www.mediafire.com/?2xn11t0mcow

BLACK SABBATH - California Jam 6/4/74
http://www.mediafire.com/?jieyljytmmc

CIRCLE JERKS - D.C. 930 Club 6/11/81
http://www.mediafire.com/?bdmyymxit1m

CORROSION OF CONFORMITY - D.C. Wilson Centre 5/1/85
http://www.mediafire.com/?djjl9zxecpv

CORROSION OF CONFORMITY - San Diego 1/25/86
http://www.mediafire.com/?13pkjtjccn2

CRO-MAGS - CA Ruthie's Inn 1986
http://www.mediafire.com/?wi332edtydk

CRO-MAGS - CBGB'S 7/5/86
http://www.mediafire.com/?zyjnz4z1ysy

D.R.I. - Dominick's Norfolk, VA 8/23/84
http://www.mediafire.com/?einzdewdevy

D.R.I. - N.Y. Ritz 6/27/87
http://www.mediafire.com/?gmjzbke1kjd

DAG NASTY - Brighton Bar (year unknown)
http://www.mediafire.com/?gnymoxzizmm

DEAD KENNEDYS - Portland 11/19/79
http://www.mediafire.com/?ndzy4ypnyx9

DISCHARGE - Lepakko 4/25/83
http://www.mediafire.com/?mzh1imzuzzm

Exodus - 1982 (w/ Kirk Hammet)
http://www.mediafire.com/?cxaidhmx1zt

Elvis Costello - D.C. 1979
http://www.mediafire.com/?tq4jnmnixzd

FUGAZI - D.C. Wilson Centre (alleged first show)
http://www.mediafire.com/?jyxyi0oy29o

GORILLA BISCUITS - D.C. Safari Club 1989
http://www.mediafire.com/?mlagqicyddi

HIRAX - 12/31/84
http://www.mediafire.com/?ybm0ndzobmz

MINOR THREAT - D.C. Space 10/19/80 (second show)
http://www.mediafire.com/?nsmbd4tbgxe

MISFITS - Whiskey A Go-Go 1982
http://www.mediafire.com/?nlz9s0yyy5c

MOTORHEAD - Birmingham 1977
http://www.mediafire.com/?zpnwbrmlfvs

NAKED RAYGUN - D.C. WUST 6/20/85
http://www.mediafire.com/?y1dm0x0jzxp

RAMONES - N.Y.C. 1976
http://www.mediafire.com/?lmvfgyuoojn

REAGAN YOUTH - CBGB's 1985
http://www.mediafire.com/?jtrhnj3vizb

SAMHAIN - 85/86?
http://www.mediafire.com/?1t91jlvjyci

SICK OF IT ALL - 3/22/87
http://www.mediafire.com/?n9xdydljyxd

SLAYER - Birmingham 4/19/87
http://www.mediafire.com/?jyumdbigdye

VOID - D.C. 930 Club 2/13/83
http://www.mediafire.com/?i3lyjdy2xmj

YDL - CBGB's 1987
http://www.mediafire.com/?21y4ma1lyzd

YOUTH OF TODAY - Toronto 8/15/86
http://www.mediafire.com/?ynlzjvxjnnz

enjoy!

FIRST MEGADETH SHOW BOOTLEG (feat. KERRY KING!)

2008-10-13T12:00:00.000-07:00

MEGADETH rules. Dave Mustaine is a total pussy but I do not hold that against him, that's totally his problem. That dude has burned so many bridges that the legacy of Megadeth will eternally suffer... But we know better right? MEGADETH is great and this show boasts a lineup still featuring KERRY MOTHERFUCKING KING. This is their first show ever, taking place in Berkeley, CA in 1984!

http://www.mediafire.com/?n4pn4y09zme

Kerry King playing with the 'Deth

Show Review 10/6 @ Empty Bottle: CHINESE STARS

2008-10-10T16:44:00.000-07:00

More than a few years ago, I saw the band ARAB ON RADAR on not one, but two separate occasions. I liked them enough to buy their t-shirt! (and for wearing that shirt, i was called out for supporting racism by a crust punk at Tony Pointless' house. No joke.) Anyway, I have probably worn that shirt inside out a lot of times since the last time I listened to them and I've never heard a whole Chinese Stars album but Luca Ferrari likes them a lot. They sound to me like I remember Arab on Radar sounding but instead of weird or in any way interesting drum beats, it's only one disco sounding drum beat the entire time. The singer still pretends to be retarded, I have to say I do not care for this music very much.

But a free Monday show at the Empty Bottle doesn't have to offer much to get me to come out as long as I know people there, and the same people invited me out to the last free Monday at that same bar where Chicago's own COUGARS were playing. I couldn't tell the difference between the two bands really except that the singer of Cougars looks like Matthew McConaughey, people told me this band sounded like ROCKET FROM THE CRYPT before they sounded like Chinese Stars, I kinda doubt it. Although literally anything would sound better than the 3rd wave ska circus music those guys used to make... but I digress....

I didn't make it to the end of the Chinese Stars set, I ran out of money and walked home. Before they played some other annoying band played who's name I never got. I arrived during their set and boy did they suck. The singer of this band was wearing a red glittery unitard and a head dress with feathers in it and a lot of glittery make up, but everyone else was just wearing normal clothes. I imagine the rest of the band secretly wondering amongst themselves when the singer would get the hint they didn't want to dress up anymore. It turns out the singer was a girl, I thought it was a guy the whole time, I guess that makes sense.

If this show was a high school kid and I were his principal, I would quit my job.

A Loving Tribute (click to enlarge)

2008-07-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

Hello, scum-suckers! What we've got here is years of archived MS Paint drawings from one of Hot Food's most prolific pals, the undeniable Chris Wilson. THERE SHE BLOWS!

...portraits of our long lost buddy, Big K. One of my favorite people, and a man who's legend truly dwarfed in comparison to the twisted belligerency that is his true life story. I miss you, mang! Let's start off with a true classic. Big K blasting down the road in his Saturn.

A close up of Big K enjoying a meal at Burrito Loco.

The hardcore years.

I present to you here a drawing of our buddy taking a pretty sick dump, and apparently I am video taping it. You will see later in this post that Chris, for reasons that should be obvious thought that it would be funniest only to draw me wearing a "Holy Molar" t-shirt.

battling a hippo over a double cheeseburger...

half man, half pig, huge dump.

getting fired from his job at Ace Hardware...

reflecting upon evolution with his friend Chris Wilson while they spend a fun-filled day at the zoo.

The famed "Butt-Tongue"

the "Butt-Tongue" strikes back! and for the record, the girl depicted in that drawing has gone on to do much, much worse at life and love. c'est la vie.

In every kid's life, there is a summer of '04. This must have been the summer our ol' pal blew water out of his butthole every time we snuck into a hotel pool, and blew our minds as well.

the apple, and it's distance from the tree.

And here is me, about to engage in some sexual activity... a brief but fruitful period in the artwork of Chris Wilson.

This is not by Chris, it's a drawing of the drummer of Boston by Ryan Winke that I found in the same folder. Excellent work. A+

GUITAR HERO: AEROSMITH

2008-07-06T22:17:00.000-07:00

Who is to blame for this? Guitar Hero is the most popular video game franchise in the country right now and the makers of the game have wisely decided to expand it by offering an entire game devoted to the songs of one band, and the band they chose to define this first stride in a new direction is FUCKING AEROSMITH? A band that had 2 albums with songs ranging from good to competant 30 years ago and have spent the rest of their lives since then devoted not only to destroying what legacy they could have been survived by, but completely obliterating it and burying it under dozens of horrible, unlistenable crap. Putting out an album like every 5 years and coming back trying to show everyone that they're still with it like they're your shitty aunt's boyfriend you see just as frequently at family reunions, except this time it's like "Hey, guys check it out, we're in a VIDEO GAME!" Big fucking deal. They were already in a video game, having been captured by terrorists or something and you've got to save them by shooting a ton of people and throwing aerosmith CD's at them. If you win, although you wasted a bunch of time, I guess you beat the game, if you lose, Aerosmith dies. It seems like an easy choice. And these diluted self-important nutsacks think any terrorist would consider using them as some sort of bargaining chip?! Get real.

In closing, I hate Aerosmith.

kooky fun & diet cola (click to enlarge)

2008-07-03T07:36:00.000-07:00

doodles (click to enlarge)

2008-07-03T07:01:00.001-07:00

this wound has not yet healed, if you're reading this... i will still kill you.

a double drawing comemoration of my long lost buddy, Big K.
from my short-lived career as an ad exec for stroh's, complete with modern blame-shifting warning

oh yeah.

I spelled "their" wrong... so what? Also, it should be said that Hot Food indeed also hates the kids.

the process of weeding out

2008-06-30T09:22:00.000-07:00

Breaking News: African American co-worker deeply disapproves of Turbonegro

2008-06-29T20:47:00.001-07:00

"you white boys can listen to this cracker music if you want, that's just fine."

I Love The New Millenium

2008-06-26T23:40:00.000-07:00

So we got cable yesterday. I stayed up until 2a.m. watching the worst crap television just because it was available to me for the first time in a year. I watched I LOVE THE NEW MILLENIUM on VH1. I didn't know this show existed, and in case you didn't either... now you do. I get that they don't give a shit how dumb their programming is as long as people are tuning in, and the philosophy is to find out what people watch and pound us with it until there is nothing left, but they are remembering shit that is happening RIGHT NOW with ironic nostolgia?! FUCK OFF! VH1 is like a high school sophomore's notebook with band names written all over it except with pop culture references instead.

And yet I still watched more today...

WHERE HAS HOT FOOD BEEN?!

2008-06-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

it would take almost as long for me to list all the things that have come between me and finishing the 2nd issue of HOT FOOD, luckily for you (assuming you read and enjoyed the first one) lack of material is not a problem. Time is the biggest problem, not having enough of it, specifically. I work a shit job that I hate, I have had a lot of other drawings to do with a much more pressing deadline, and I've just moved to a new place... detractors to my publication will be delighted to know that there is plenty of pages in the new issue spiced with more doodles to get your undies in a twist.

there is no planned time of release just yet but you can be assured I will be updating this blog with some regularity, including the entire first issue(!), flyers for shows i have made, probably including many that never even happened, countless other doodles, probably a sneak peek into issue #2 and depending on how many hits this page gets, maybe even it's own strip.