Lily Allen Show Review

My sister wound up with an extra ticket to Sunday night's Lily Allen show at The Riv. I'm not going to beat around the bush: I like Lily Allen. A lot. Sure, I'll join you.

The opening band was the type of thing that made me hate music. They not only made me hate music, they made me hate everything and everyone I've ever known.

The band is called, brace yourself, Natalie Portman's Shaved Head, and they produce some of the lamest shit that I've ever seen somehow pass itself off as music. Here's an example of this shit in action. This video is only 90 seconds long, and finishing it is going to be a real challenge:


natalie portman's shaved head - sophisticated side ponytail from thatgo on Vimeo.

Ick. Gross. When you base band membership on good looks and cool haircuts, you get Natalie Portman's Shaved Head. And Natalie Portman's Shaved Head is the musical equivalent of dog vomit. Not a good look.

Lily Allen's set was pretty good. She looked totally foxy, too. For the encore she came out in a t-shirt and jeans, and she looked kind of dumpy and tom-boyish and that, my friends, is what boners are made of.

The highlight of the night actually happened after the set. I met up with Lily and her crew at Nick's Beer Garden for a few post-show cocktails. The two of us then went back to my apartment, where, over a couple of cans of Miller High Life, I dazzled and impressed her with my near-mint copy of Emerson, Lake & Palmer's "Works" and then moved on to making her feel like a woman all night long.

I'm totally lying, that never happened. I just went home and wrote this. Happy Easter.