Monday, June 22, 2009


This is the other product I thought was long gone.

Apparently "Lost" makes snowboard, skateboard, and surfboard stuff. I didn't know that and I don't really care. The design of this can is utterly pathetic to the point that it's really funny but will be kind of embarrassing if you drink it in front of the kind of cool guy hipsters who used to be really into warped tour and will try and make up for that at any given opportunity. It's got some direct quotes from punk and new metal bands, and some that have been paraphrased to make it suitable to print on the can of their energy drink ("tear down" your idols?) It's also got lots and lots of classic punk bands logos that have been altered to look more like snowboard graphics. Minor Threat "Out of Step" sheep, C.O.C. skull, etc. This stuff basically is warped tour in a can. Or at least it would be if warped tour in a can wasn't yoohoo.

However, when you open this can and take a sip... it is the MOST DELICIOUS ENERGY DRINK ON THE MARKET! Yeah, fuck you. I drink energy drinks. You gonna judge me for that? GO AHEAD! I'm happy with my life and I don't care what you think, go look down your nose at somebody else! They hired Monster to make the drink for them, do all the dirty work, and they just slapped their name on it and called it their own. It tastes EXACTLY like Red Vines red licorice, the best red licorice out there. This stuff tastes exactly like that stuff.

Probably four years ago after a party got broken up at some idiot's house who used to work at Belmont Army surplus, we left still looking for fun. My idea of fun has admittedly changed since then but hey I was in my early 20's then, now in my late 20's... I've "matured." But, I digress. We leave this party and a truck was outside some bar giving away free cans of Lost to people leaving and they were packing up. In my crazed inebriated state I yelled at them to give me many of their free products. I demanded it! This was not a nice tone, this was "HEY. GIMME SUMMA DAT!" To my surprise and delight, they gave me two cans. They were warm. But I was far too into my night to care. Outside Berlin the typical black transvestites heckled us and then two of them told me they were going to try out for American Idol as the first transvestite couple to compete together. I wished them luck and then I have no idea what happened. So this review is over. LOST RULES.

1 comment:

Stephen said...

The furthering of the crunk/screamo genre as we discussed last night.